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Lawrence Welk’s mastery of English was not quite 100%. Here are some examples of his “Welkisms”, compiled by Dick Wilson, a sound mixer who worked on “The Lawrence Welk Show” for more than three decades.

Lawrence WHO?? Welk was a band leader whose “champagne music” was popular for years both live and on his TV show.

A WUN and a TWO and a …..

  • “Now the band will play a medley of tunes from World War Eye [World War I].”
  • During an audience warm-up: “I just wrote a book, but don’t go out and buy it yet, because I don’t think it’s finished yet.”
  • “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.”
  • Introducing a guest performer: “His act may start out slow, but it tapers off.”
  • Referring to rock music: “That’s not my cup of dish.”
  • “How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?”
  • To the band just before going on the air: “Boys, look like you’re having fun, but don’t have any.”
  • “I just had an idea that went right over my head.”
  • “Whenever you have a minute I’d like to see you right now.”
  • To a performer who apologized for being late and said he had no excuse: “That’s no excuse”
  • About a vocalist who auditioned: “She has a nice voice, but she looks a little bit too much like Eleanor Roosevelt.”
  • To the dress rehearsal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the set of a Thanksgiving show: “Don’t worry, folks, this will be a real turkey when it gets on the air.”
  • “I just let it in one ear and out the top of my head.”
  • When a group of people came in to discuss problems in the band: “You know, when people band together, it causes a house divided.”
  • Referring to a singing duo he first heard perform at a nightclub: “They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there.”
  • “Boys, if you don’t stick together, how do you expect me to follow you-ah?”
  • “You know, it’s a long world.”
  • To the pianist who was rehearsing: “Why do you do that? You play too many notes already.”
  • “That’s what really broke the camel’s straw.”
  • After a jet plane flew over and disrupted rehearsal: “You know, those jet planes make masonic booms.”
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