How many cats would you have?
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two
What does the animals give you?
Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?” Student: “Meat!” Teacher: “Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?” Student: “Bacon!” Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow
Celebrating a great accomplishment
Three girls enter a bar. They are happy, dancing and singing. The barman asks them: “What are you girls celebrating?” “We just finished a puzzle that took us three months to
New Talking Clock
While a college student proudly shows off his new apartment to friends, he leads his friends into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of
A Couple Were Fighting Over Custody Of Their Children
An Old Mountaineer And His Young Ex-Wife Were Fighting Over Custody Of Their Children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world. She should retain custody of them.
Young couples and their new baby
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next
A Patient Had A Question For His Dentist.
A patient sits in the dental chair with severely fractured front teeth. After discussing with the orthodontist how they will be restored and what the fee would be, the patient
Need to lose weight
A man went to the doctor’s office for an annual body check. His doctor told him that he needed to lose weight, or his life would be in danger. The
The teacher gave an unexpected essay
One day at school the teacher gave an unexpected essay. The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’
How to hide a CCTV
Where is the CCTV you are talking about? I don’t see one in the picture!
Very tough puzzle
A man comes home to his son crying violently. He tries to ask her what’s wrong. He replies, “I’ve been working on this puzzle all day, but I can’t figure
Suffering from a very severe stress disorder
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe
Buy A Puppy As A Present For His Wife
John decided to buy a puppy as a present for his wife. He snuck the puppy under his coat into his office and as he was walking out his office,
Answering the phone while ironing clothes
A man entered the emergency room with his two ears burned. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well”, the man explained, “my wife was ironing clothing, behind my chair while I was
The Apartment Was On Fire.
Two men realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. “Help, help!” yells one of them. “Help us, help us!” yells the other. “Help, help
Loses control and ends up in a ditch
A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch. He gets out of the car and knocks on a
Guy Goes To Visit Local Mental Institute.
During a visit to the local mental institute, John asked the Director during a tour how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “It’s simple actually,” the Director
You’re not a monk
A man’s car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the man’s
Guy Gets Nauseous When Traveling So He Takes A Sleeping Pill.
“Excuse me, sir,” said the man to one of the stewards on an Amtrak Train, “I always get nauseous when I go on trains, so I am going to to take
Three wishes
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
Interesting interview of an elderly couple
A guy interviews an elderly couple. During the interview, the old man asks his wife, “Sweetheart, could you make me some tea?” The old woman promptly gets up and walks
Funny guy at the bar
A wife says, “Hey! Look at that funny guy who’s been drinking a lot.” The husband responds, “Who is he?” The wife answers, “Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and
The fastest slow cooker
So is this a slow cooker. Or a fast slow cooker? Or a fast cooker? Or a slow fast cooker?
The bank robbery that forgets his balaclava
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret but didn’t wear a balaclava. He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One
A conversation between a man and his new girlfriend
This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend. Woman: “Do you drink beer?” Man: “Yes.” Woman: “How many beers a day?” Man: “Usually about 3.” Woman: “How much
Senior inside a drug store
The other day I went over to a nearby drug store. When I got there, I went straight to the pharmacy. I took out my little brown bottle along with a
A Woman Takes A Lover During The Day
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so
