A drunk guy walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey, please.”
The bartender says, “I’m not going to serve you, because I think you’re intoxicated.”
The guy says, “I just want one, man. And then I’m going straight home.”
So the bartender says, “All right, you can have one” and gives the guy his shot.
The guy drinks his shot and immediately throws up on his own shirt.
“Oh no!” he said, “My wife is going to kill me! She’ll know I’ve been drinking!”
“No she won’t,” said the bartender.
“Put a ten-dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife that someone else threw up on you and gave you the ten dollars in order to get your shirt cleaned.”
“That’s a great idea!” said the guy.
So, sure enough, when he arrived home, his wife pointed at him and yelled, “You’ve been drinking! You threw up!”
The guy said, “No, I didn’t. Somebody else threw up on me. Look in my pocket. He gave me ten dollars.”
So his wife looked in his pocket and said, “There are two ten-dollar bills in here.”
And the guy said, “Well… the other one is from the guy that pooed in my pants.”