Category: Lists

When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

Here’s a list of actual things kids said or wrote while in Sunday school (certificate of authenticity on file… somewhere):

Actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? I’ll fire

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who suffered third-degree

You’re too stupid to lead… AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”.  He received

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are “unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,” committed by young male repeat offenders. They

These are reportedly taken from real resumes and cover letters. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling): My son is under a doctor’s care and should not

ON TESCO’S TIRIMISU DESSERT Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) ON MARKS & SPENCER

TOP 8 OLD FOLKS PARTY GAMES Sag, You’re It! Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy 20 Questions Shouted into

These are actual lines from military performance appraisals or Officer Efficiency Reports (OERs). Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Okay, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know that: 660: Approximate number

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down

Actual Newspaper Ads and Classifieds: 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100.  OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR

Actual questions asked to park officials at various National Parks: Grand Canyon National Park: Was this man-made? Do you light

From the Washington Post Invitational contest, Merge-Matic Books:  Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to

In large companies, it’s obviously important that memoranda contain lots of important buzzwords.  What the memos actually say isn’t particularly

Some of these are old, but they were all actual laws not too long ago! In Nichols County, West Virginia,

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords… “The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs.  And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. 

MONDAYS: 8:00 “Husseinfeld” 8:30 “Mad About Everything” 9:00 “Suddenly Sanctions” 9:30 “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show” 10:00 “Allah McBeal”

BELL ATLANTIC RESTAURANT 1095 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10036 800-621-9900 BELL ATLANTIC RESTAURANT SERVICES Cod steak $8.17

At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that “If

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. 

Hymns, the way we’d sing them if we were honest: I Surrender Some There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings Fill

I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

ACTUAL answers given by contestants on “The Family Feud” Name something a blind person might use A sword Name a