Author: Laught Break

23 A couple is sitting in their living room and sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you or the wine talking?” asks

A policeman pulls a truck over and says to the driver, “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The driver says, “Okay.” Then

The doctor tells his patient: “Well, I have good news and bad news.” The patient says: “Lay it on me, Doc. What’s the bad news?” The doctor: “You have Alzheimer’s disease.” The

The contractor wanted to give the government official a sports car. The official objected, saying: “Sir, common decency and my basic sense of honor would never permit me to accept

There was a father who called his five small children together. As the sat together in a circle on the floor, the dad placed a toy in the middle. He

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and God tells him, “You haven’t done anything good, but you haven’t done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing

Joe asked God: “How much is a penny worth in heaven?” God replied: “$1 million.” Joe asked: “How long is a minute in heaven?” God said: “One million years.” Joe asked for a penny.

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain. One guy said, “Today I got through the first step of getting divorced.” The second guy replies, “Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim?

A man walks into a Swiss bank. The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn. After an hour wait, he finally gets to

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” 1I asked my friend. “He wants to be a garbage man,” he replied. “That’s an unusual ambition

Man, “What you have prepared to eat today?” Wife, “Nothing.” Man, “But you did nothing yesterday.” Wife, “I made it for two days.” Man, “What you were doing today?” Man,

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: “Did you kill that?” “Yes,” the pigmy said. Then the hunter

A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” the woman asked. “Hunting mosquitoes” He responded. “Oh, catching any?”

A rabbit escaped from a research laboratory where he had lived since birth. He joined a group of wild rabbits and lived their lives for a day. He fed on

I had a terrible breakup. My friends told me that if I want to get over my ex-girlfriend, I should get rid of anything that reminded me of her. So what

A woman sued a man for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. As a result, the man was found guilty and fined. After the

Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. Judge: “Do you want to live with

Kat and Beth were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays. Kat said, “My daughter-in-Iaw stopped making my grandchildren send their thank you notes. Each year I sent the grandchildren a card with a

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: “You were speeding.” Man: “No, I wasn’t.” Officer: “Yes, you were.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a girl listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, “I’m going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.” The

When Elly got married, her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked. How to

John, Phil, and Tyler are driving down a highway and their car runs out of gas. It’s a three-hour walk to the gas station. They plan to carry their gas tank there

Police Officer Nico receives a call from his chief. His chief tells him, “Nico. I’m sorry but you’re going to have to arrest your mother.” Nico starts to reply, “Chief…” His

A mother and her son go to church and the son says, “Mom, I have to go pee!” The mom says, “You shouldn’t say that in church. From now on just