Author: Laugh Break

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly

Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We have reached your

“Mom, can I have an animal cracker?” asked 3-year-old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty-five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen.

Joe had just received his brand new driver’s license. He is going to take them for a ride for the first time. So, the family troops out to the driveway and

A man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The man replies, “I didn’t think you’d need one to get into Australia anymore.”

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, “What was that for?”

There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and they’re at death’s door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian’s home. When they got to the

Husband calls up hotel management from the room. The husband said, “Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump from your

Friend #1, “Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?” Friend #2, “I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS and a GPS override.” Friend #1, “What’s a

A woman called our airline customer service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” The customer service representative said, “as long as you provide your own

23 A couple is sitting in their living room and sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you or the wine talking?” asks

A policeman pulls a truck over and says to the driver, “You can’t drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The driver says, “Okay.” Then

The doctor tells his patient: “Well, I have good news and bad news.” The patient says: “Lay it on me, Doc. What’s the bad news?” The doctor: “You have Alzheimer’s disease.” The

The contractor wanted to give the government official a sports car. The official objected, saying: “Sir, common decency and my basic sense of honor would never permit me to accept

There was a father who called his five small children together. As the sat together in a circle on the floor, the dad placed a toy in the middle. He

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and God tells him, “You haven’t done anything good, but you haven’t done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing

Joe asked God: “How much is a penny worth in heaven?” God replied: “$1 million.” Joe asked: “How long is a minute in heaven?” God said: “One million years.” Joe asked for a penny.

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain. One guy said, “Today I got through the first step of getting divorced.” The second guy replies, “Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim?

A man walks into a Swiss bank. The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn. After an hour wait, he finally gets to

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” 1I asked my friend. “He wants to be a garbage man,” he replied. “That’s an unusual ambition

Man, “What you have prepared to eat today?” Wife, “Nothing.” Man, “But you did nothing yesterday.” Wife, “I made it for two days.” Man, “What you were doing today?” Man,

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: “Did you kill that?” “Yes,” the pigmy said. Then the hunter

A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” the woman asked. “Hunting mosquitoes” He responded. “Oh, catching any?”