Things People Say

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We don’t know who authored this one, it was sent in anonymously after being passed around via e-mail for some time. Whoever wrote it, Thank You!

A friend of mine and her husband went to Toys R Us to get a ball for their grandson. The name of the ball was “Ugly Balls”. They searched the store but were unable to find them. The wife saw a salesperson and went over and asked him, “Do you have Ugly Balls?” She wouldn’t have thought anything about this except… her husband was rolling on the floor laughing.

A friend from West Virginia was shopping at the WalMart in Blacksburg, VA. At the cash register, my friend wrote a check. The clerk asked for her driver’s license. She presented her West Virginia drivers license and the clerk grabbed it way from her and scoffed at her, “If you’re going to use a fake ID, you could at least use a real state!” A manager was required to verify West Virginia’s statehood.

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?” She replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”

I called my hair salon to tell them I’d be late for an appointment. I couldn’t remember the haircutter’s unusual name, so I said, “I think her name is Zora.” The receptionist said flatly, “We don’t have anybody here by that name.” I said, “Check the appointment book and see who my appointment is with.” She checked and said, “Oh, your appointment is with ‘Zoya.'” So I’m wondering, how many of the six people working there have four letter names beginning with Z anyway???

I worked for a while at a WalMart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of WalMart you are sometimes required to make storewide pages, e.g., “I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter.” One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message: “I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance.”

A long, long, time ago, when I was 19 or 20, I went to a bar with an older friend. The guy at the door asked for my ID. I gave him my driver’s license, which of course had my date of birth printed on it. He looked at it and said, “You have to be 21 to get in here.” I replied, “That ID is a few years old.” He looked at it again for a moment, then said “Oh, OK” and let me in.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

The receptionist was instructed to call a vendor. Using the vendor’s invoice as the source of the phone number she began calling. Each time she called, her phone would ring. When she answered, no one was there. This continued throughout the morning. When later asked if she reached the vendor she explained what was happening and demonstrated for her superior. He noticed that the phone number she was calling (which was on the vendor’s invoice) WAS THEIR OWN PHONE NUMBER! She had spent an entire morning calling herself.