A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news.” “Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours
I totally agree!
Halloween is over. You won the Halloween!
This is evil! That tricked me for a sec…
Husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing. Husband, “My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home…” Sergeant, “What is
Technically, those are drinkable grape juices!
A man gets into a car accident and injures his wrist pretty bad. He goes to the hospital where the doctor gets him all fixed up, but before he leaves
I cannot believe it! Why peanuts from supermarket contain peanuts!
A boy went to school and he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your abc’s.” The boys said, “a b c
I sure your relation will be greatly improved with this gift!
No wonder orange juice always taste weird for me… they are not suppose taste like orange!
I am not sure I should make a joke about it…
A shady-looking guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.”
They don’t have bones yet. An very accurate description.
Interviewer to Millionaire, “To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?” Millionaire, “I owe everything to my wife.” Interview, “Wow, she must be some woman. What are you
An elderly couple to decide to live a little and go to McDonald’s. When they order the food, the old man divides the fries in half and splits the burger
False advertisement in your face!
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint. “You’re right, we made a mistake,” said
She will be surprised for all of the wrong reasons…
Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday. Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How
I hope one feed those to their babies!
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “I found out
For some reason, this breed of dog looks like cats…
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, “If you can sit in my basement for a day, I’ll give you free beer forever.” The first man walks
Hobbit Day is the birthday of the hobbits Bilbo and Frodo Baggins, two fictional characters in J. R. R. Tolkien’s popular set of books The Hobbit and The Lord of
I am pretty sure that is a bad idea…
I don’t notice that at all. Tempted to test it on my cat… (Joking)
A girl goes to the doctor and tells him that she has been extremely moody lately and can’t control her temper. He suggests, “Sounds like stress. You should try getting
Only 1 in 2,000,000,000 will live to be 116 or older. Not sure I want to live that long…
Florida is the only place on Earth you can be eaten by an alligator, a shark, a crocodile, or some dude hopped up on drugs.