John decided to buy a puppy as a present for his wife. He snuck the puppy under his coat into his office and as he was walking out his office,
A man entered the emergency room with his two ears burned. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “Well”, the man explained, “my wife was ironing clothing, behind my chair while I was
Two men realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. “Help, help!” yells one of them. “Help us, help us!” yells the other. “Help, help
Is this dairy or not? Please make up your mind!
A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch. He gets out of the car and knocks on a
During a visit to the local mental institute, John asked the Director during a tour how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “It’s simple actually,” the Director
A man’s car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the man’s
I think “THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!” is more appropriate!
“Excuse me, sir,” said the man to one of the stewards on an Amtrak Train, “I always get nauseous when I go on trains, so I am going to to take
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
A guy interviews an elderly couple. During the interview, the old man asks his wife, “Sweetheart, could you make me some tea?” The old woman promptly gets up and walks
A wife says, “Hey! Look at that funny guy who’s been drinking a lot.” The husband responds, “Who is he?” The wife answers, “Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and
So is this a slow cooker. Or a fast slow cooker? Or a fast cooker? Or a slow fast cooker?
Art of the meal for the author of Art of the Deal.
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret but didn’t wear a balaclava. He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One
This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend. Woman: “Do you drink beer?” Man: “Yes.” Woman: “How many beers a day?” Man: “Usually about 3.” Woman: “How much
The other day I went over to a nearby drug store. When I got there, I went straight to the pharmacy. I took out my little brown bottle along with a
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so
So he came home and asked his parents, “How was I born?” ‘Well honey…’ said the slightly prudish parent, “An Angel brought you to us.” “Oh,” said the boy. “Well,
Although the kid is very cute, this is a one silly looking raincoat. I would rather be getting wet than wearing this coat…
A German taxi driver was on his shift. He is driving one of these Mercedes models that have the Mercedes emblem as a hood ornament. A guy waves him down, so he stops
She was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up for sale, the auctioneer asked: “How much am I
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question
A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and then he checks his watch. The man said to himself, “It is 1 am already! I need to
A young man once asked a rich older man how he earned all his money. The old man smoothed his tailored jacket and said, “Well, young man, it was fifty
Patient: “Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?” Doctor: “Do you smoke?” Patient: “No.” Doctor: “Do you eat too much?” Patient: “No.” Doctor: “Do you go to bed
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man answers the phone, puts it on speaker, and begins
A woman shoots her husband for stepping on the clean floor.“ A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have a murder case here,” he says. “A