Management Communications 101

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In large companies, it’s obviously important that memoranda contain lots of important buzzwords.  What the memos actually say isn’t particularly important;  if it were really important, someone would discuss it in person or by email.

In writing these memoranda, please remember the importance of these buzzwords.

BUZZWORDS FOR MANAGERS

COLUMN ICOLUMN IICOLUMN III
0. integrated0. management0. options
1. heuristic1. organizational1. flexibility
2. systematized2. monitored2. capability
3. parallel3. reciprocal3. mobility
4. functional4. digital4. programming
5. responsive5. logistical5. scenarios
6. optional6. transitional6. time-phase
7. synchronized7. incremental7. projection
8. compatible8. third-generation8. hardware
9. futuristic9. policy9. contingency

The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column.

For instance, number 257 produces “systematized logistical projection,” a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with a sincere ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority.

No one will have the remotest idea of what you’re talking about, but the important thing is that THEY ARE NOT ABOUT TO ADMIT IT!