21 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

  1. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  2. Chaos, panic, & disorder — my work here is done.
  3. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  4. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  6. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce!
  7. How about never? Is never good for you?
  8. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  9. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  10. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  11. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  12. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  13. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  14. Your ideas sound reasonable. Time to increase my medication.
  15. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  16. Do I look like a people person?
  17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  18. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  19. Too many freaks. Not enough circuses.
  20. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  21. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.


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