17 Of The Greatest One-Line Jokes.

  1. A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps.
  2. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  3. I removed the shell from my racing snail to make him go faster, but if anything it made him more sluggish.
  4. Alcoholics don’t run in my family — they mostly stumble around and bump into things.
  5. A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks, “some asshole has my pen.”
  6. “I have an L-shaped couch… Lower case.”
  7. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
  8. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
  9. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
  10. My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn’t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the snide bastard was thinking.
  11. Saw this somewhere: If your parachute doesn’t open, don’t panic; you have the rest of your life to fix it!
  12. Saw a sign outside of an office building which said:”Today’s workshop ‘How To Cope With Disappointment’ has been cancelled.”
  13. What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
  14. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was, and then it dawned on me.
  15. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ mean the same thing, except when at a funeral.
  16. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
  17. “Yes, I have reservations… but I’ll eat here anyway”
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