A wealthy man is driving down the road in his limo when he sees two men eating grass on the side of the road. He pulls over to investigate. He
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she like the experience.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the
One day, my neighbour came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, “I have some really great news!” I said, “Great! Tell me why
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there
While fishing off the Australia coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of crocodiles kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber
A woman goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. “Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor. “I was
Three girls were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each on wish. One girl wished to be
A man went to the dentist because he was missing some teeth. The dentist asks him, “How exactly did this happen?” He replies, “My wife’s bread is as hard as
Three men were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As
I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last would give him
Two men have been ice fishing all day. One has had no luck, while the other has pulled out a ton of fish. “What’s your secret?” asks the unlucky fisherman.
Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?” The angel touches the man’s back, and he
A guy sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar. He notices that she is a bit younger than him but think… what the hell. He walks
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he
To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. With out hesitating, he
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender asks, “Dang, why are drinking so fast?” The guy says,
A woman went back her house and talked to her boyfriend excitingly, “I just won the lottery!” “That is wonderful!” her boyfriend said. “I know,” the woman said. “So you
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband: “I bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he irritatingly answered, going out door to
Two avid hunters take a hunter’s safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air. Sure enough, on their next
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave new: “There ‘s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt.
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt. The
There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over. “What did I do wrong, officer?” the driver asked. “You were going
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant are all up for the same job. The board asks each of them the same question, “What is 100 + 200?” The mathematician
A man walks up to the Whitehouse and shouts to the guard: “I’d like to speak to George Bush, the President.” The guard replies, “George Bush is no longer the
An antique dealer is walking through town and sees a cat drinking milk from a saucer in a shop window. He is shocked when he realizes that the saucer is
A young college girl came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!” “I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad. “You
A man goes out with his friends for the night. Before he leaves he tells his wife, “I promise I will be home by midnight.” Midnight comes and goes. He
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Jonny his choice between a nickel and a dime — Little
A couple had their first baby. After a week or so the mother thought she could use a break and went shopping leaving the little baby with the proud father.