Stella Awards

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin, and buttocks after spilling a

And Speaking Of Intelligence…

You’re too stupid to lead… AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”.  He received a $26 million severance package.  Maybe it’s not Walter who’s

Rules for Bank Robbers

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are “unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,” committed by young male repeat offenders. They apparently don’t know the first thing about their business. For

Parental Excuses

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling): My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for

Officer Efficiency Reports

These are actual lines from military performance appraisals or Officer Efficiency Reports (OERs). Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.

Newspaper Ads

Actual Newspaper Ads and Classifieds: 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100.  OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE… ONLY USED ON

Merged Book Contest Winners

From the Washington Post Invitational contest, Merge-Matic Books:  Readers were asked to combine the works of two authors, and to provide a suitable description of the merged book. “Machiavelli’s The

Management Communications 101

In large companies, it’s obviously important that memoranda contain lots of important buzzwords.  What the memos actually say isn’t particularly important;  if it were really important, someone would discuss it

25 Loony Laws

Some of these are old, but they were all actual laws no too long ago! In Nichols County, West Virginia, no minister shall tell a funny story from the pulpit.

Landlord Letters

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords… “The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.” “I want some repairs done to my stove as

Iraqui TV Guide

MONDAYS: 8:00 “Husseinfeld” 8:30 “Mad About Everything” 9:00 “Suddenly Sanctions” 9:30 “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show” 10:00 “Allah McBeal” TUESDAYS: 8:00 “Wheel of Fortune and Terror” 8:30 “The Price

If Microsoft Built Cars

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry

Honest Hymns

Hymns, the way we’d sing them if we were honest: I Surrender Some There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings Fill My Spoon, Lord Oh, How I Like Jesus He’s Quite

Getting Old

I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.  I decided to take an

Family Feud Losers

ACTUAL answers given by contestants on “The Family Feud” Name something a blind person might use A sword Name a song with moon in the title Blue suede moon Name

Extreem Bumper Stickers

I don’t have a license to kill.  I have a learner’s permit. Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either! Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change. EARTH FIRST!  We’ll

Doctor Descriptions

Doctors may not say exactly what they mean… The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They were reprinted in a column written by Dr. Richard