If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six
Hymns, the way we’d sing them if we were honest: I Surrender Some There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings Fill My Spoon, Lord Oh, How I Like Jesus He’s Quite
I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites: Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly We three kings of
ACTUAL answers given by contestants on “The Family Feud” Name something a blind person might use A sword Name a song with moon in the title Blue suede moon Name
I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit. Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either! Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. EARTH FIRST!
Doctors may not say exactly what they mean… The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They were reprinted in a column written by Dr. Richard
Snail-Sucking (Live) Armand Forcalquier, of Marseille, France, holds the record. In a contest held on Feb. 12, 1992, Armand sucked down 1,238 live snails in a little over 4 hours.
A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, “SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD.” The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone
You Are Different and That’s Bad Pop! Goes The Hamster… And Other Great Microwave Games Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets Babar Meets the Taxidermist Curious George and the
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
From actual Church Bulletins…….. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors
Hi. Now you say something. Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. Hello. I
An Anagram is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there must be deadly
The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are
On a Tennessee highway: “When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.” In front of a New Hampshire car wash: “If you can’t read this, it’s time to
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible: Coming home, I drove into wrong
Sing the Batman theme incessantly. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” Learn Morse code, and
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over the first priest and says: “Dude, I’m Jesus Christ!” And the priest says, “No son,
A girl was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that